"Save me, oh God, from people who have no sense of humor."
— Ludlow Porch


Those of you who see me on a daily basis know this, but I am NOT a runner.

My neighbor gets up early every morning and runs; and it pisses me off. What's he running from!? If I wanted to punish myself with pain over an extended period of time I'd ... choose not to.

Maybe he's training for a race. Does he not know that the first runner of a marathon, Philippides (My namesake) died immediately?

Running is what I do after eating Thai food, and at the end of my run is a toilet.

The only reason marathons are still around is so that a thousand white people can chase three black people through the streets of their city, like the "good ol' days". No white person will ever beat a Kenyan. They have been running from things their whole life. "Lions and Tigers and AIDS, Oh My!"