PhillipBlanton.com

"Save me, oh God, from people who have no sense of humor."
— Ludlow Porch

Warby Parker - Crazy, Broken, Bad Experience

I am experiencing one of the things my father warned me about when I was a cocky, know-it-all kid. "Someday that 20-10 vision will fade, and you'll have a hard time seeing things. You'll have to wear glasses and glasses suck." Well, here I am; and I've been here for a while now.

I normally get my eyes examined every three years or so, and that's when I get two new pairs of glasses. One pair of sunglasses and one pair of what I call, "Night-Vision glasses". They're really just clear-lensed versions of my "Day-Vision" sunglasses. I recently got my eyes examined, and armed with my shiny-new prescription, headed to $39 glasses .com

$39 Glasses Dot Com

The last time I bought glasses, I got them from $39 glasses Dot Com and it was a good experience overall, aside from the fact that on the first pair of sunglasses they made for me, the lenses were polarized oppositely from each other, making the world appear a surreal, shiny thing. I sent them back and they fixed it for me, but it did take about ten days to get it remedied.

Of course their name is misleading. My glasses cost about $250 each and NOT $39.

Unfortunately they no longer carry wide frames and I have skull that is a little wider than normal at my temples. Since their site is not equipped to let you search by frame size, I wasted about an hour there before hit the chat button and was told that they no longer carry frames wide enough for me. Dismayed, I moved on to Warby Parker.

Warby Parker

I'm not a hipster, doofus, millennial but Warby Parker has some nice frames that are priced well, plus they offer a "Try Five For Free" deal where you pick five frames that you like, and they mail them to you for a personal fitting session. Plus, they let you search frames by size. They also have a quiz that you can spend about a minute on, that will narrow down the frame selection to only things you'll like. We were off to a good start! I picked five frames and "checked out".

The frames arrived yesterday and none of them fit well except one. The Gilbert in Mission Clay Fade. It was like they were custom made for my head. They sort of "snapped" into place when I put them on and rested lightly wherever they touched me, without slipping in any direction; plus they looked good on this old cowboy-hippie-hacker's face. They were perfect. I packed up all of the test frames and headed to the Warby Parker website to complete my order.

I selected the Gilbert in Mission Clay Fade, and went to select my lens package. I prefer prescription lenses with a standard, lined +2.25 bifocal in both dark gray sunglasses and clear lens packages. I was prepared to buy two pairs of the Gilbert, with different lens packages.

The first hint of trouble was when I noticed that they don't offer regular lined bifocals. Apparently Warby Parker customers are more about vanity and ONLY wear progressives. I tried progressives once and HATE THEM! I'll ONLY wear lined bifocals. They are the perfect multi-vision eyeglasses and I really don't care what others think of the lines. I thought, surely this can't be true. Surely I can get regular lined bifocals from a hugely popular eye-wear company like Warby Parker!? So I chose the Progressives and moved forward, hoping I could change it later; but I cannot.

No Lined Bifocals Available = FAIL

The next choice was the lens color. I was going to order two pairs of glasses. One in clear and one in dark gray, polarized sunglasses. Unfortunately the only choices I had at Warby Parker is clear, and "Light Responsive". I don't like Light-Responsive sunglasses, because I mostly need my sunglasses while driving, and the UV protection in windshields prevents the light-sensing / auto-darkening feature in those from darkening. They're fine for outside, but they are mostly useless in a car.

No Polarized Dark Lens Option for Sunglasses = FAIL 

Disappointed, I moved on to GlassesUSA.com

GlassesUSA.com

I ended up buying two pairs of new glasses with Oakley frames from GlassesUSA.com. When you first hit the website, they will offer you a 60% discount coupon code if you enter your email address. I did that, and then later learned that the discount doesn't apply to "premium" frames. Since I ordered Oakley frames, the discount code didn't work. I called their customer service line and the lady on the phone suggested a few discount codes until I was able to find one that took $100 off of the glasses I chose. I ended up paying $180 for the sunglasses.

By the way, their "Keyword Search" box is useless. I tried entering "Crosslink" "Twoface" and "Oakley" into it but the results were as if it were totally ignoring my search term and randomly showing me things.

The ones I chose were Oakley Twoface Steel with my prescription in lined polarized, dark-gray bifocals with silver mirror tint. I searched through a lot of frames before I realized that you must limit your search to those that will accept bifocals.

The next pair I selected for my clear glasses, were the Oakley Crosslink 0.5 Black. I got them with my prescription in lined bifocals with all of the coatings, and a new thing called "Digital Block Lenses". I'm not sure about that. It may be hokum, but I paid $30 for it because these are the glasses I'll use while at the computer. We'll see how it turns out.

Here's what GlassesUSA says about "Digital Block Lenses"...

Overall I highly recommend GlassesUSA.com. Before you checkout, be sure to call their customer service line and ask for the best discount code. The operator will work with you to get you the best discount she can.
For posterity, in the event that those links go down, here are the glasses I chose...